After watching an episode of the Graham Norton show this
evening, I can proudly declare that I have something in common with Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence. Who knew?
The glamorous American film starlet and I – middle aged Mum of 3 who
volunteers as tribute every morning to run the gauntlet with life (and
generally hearing a cannon every third hour).
So, what is the common theme you two share? I hear you
ask. Is it the shared invitations to
Hollywood parties? Is it a mutual
friendship with Bradley Cooper? An
ability to be clumsy in public?
Well, yes to one of them, but apparently, we have both been
involved in a photo shoot and the results of the shoot being binned
immediately, never for publication! Hers
was for the internationally renowned brand Abercrombie and Fitch, whereas mine
was for my University. Jennifer’s brief
was for a sporty, carefree shoot; however, she became too competitive and
engrossed in the sport. Her face
transformed from ‘playful model frolicking on the sports field’ to ‘aggressive
major player who will stop at nothing to win the point’, complete with red,
sweaty face and flared nostrils. Not
quite the A&F brief allegedly. She
mentioned that her Agent had years later contacted Abercrombie and asked why
the photos were never published as part of their campaign and they simply
replied with copies of the photos – no explanation was even required.
Following my successful completion of the OnTrack program
last year (a bridging course to enable mature students and those who didn’t
perform well in Year 12 to enter University), I responded to an email asking
for positive experiences with the program.
I eagerly replied, citing my story of how I ended up enrolled in the
course whilst only originally going to get my roots touched up (story for
another time!) the Uni replied, inviting me to come along to a photo shoot, TV
interview and voice recording for potential radio and press ads! I was scared, but equally excited. I never do things like this! I’m usually the one in the shadows, watching
my friends in the limelight, enjoying the attention.
Embracing new opportunities outside of my comfort zone, I
headed into the City for the appointment.
My face was airbrushed!!!
I literally had foundation applied with the aid of an air compressor! It was awesome! I answered questions. Fluffed my lines. Repeated answers until they sounded somewhat
coherent and left with a voucher for my time and the promise that if we ‘decide
to use your images, we will be in touch.’
It was a big line up. The two
participants prior to my interview where the Mayor of a major town and an ABC
newsreader. I didn’t hold much
hope. The crew all made lovely comments;
that I was articulate and carried myself with more confidence than the
newsreader, but I felt I was punching well above my not yet even undergraduate weight. It’s fine.
I enjoyed my experience. Even if
I never get to have my face professionally airbrushed again, I have achieved
airbrushed loveliness. I explored new
experiences. I have been interviewed on
camera. I have ‘ummed’ and ‘ahhed’ with
the Mayor.
Although, my disappointment was highlighted when I was
taking the kids somewhere in the car one day and who should I see plastered all
over the back of the bus, but the ABC newsreader! It appears he also has his own Billboard!
I WANT TO BE ON THE BACK OF A BUS (rather
than just looking like one!). This
devastated me more than anything. I may
have missed my only opportunity in life to be featured on a mode of public
transport.
I only hope that they are saving the best til last and will
wheel me out when the current Year 12s completely fuck up their ATAR endeavours
and plaster me on the back of a bus then.
I can only hope that I’m currently in large scale production in a bus
advertising house near you.
Andy Warhol said that everyone gets 15 minutes of fame. I want mine on the back of the 587. I would die happy if I could have a selfie taken
with ‘bus me’. It's a shame 'Jim'll Fix It' is no longer to fix anything, I would have penned a strongly worded letter.
Happy I tell you.
