Blimey!

I guess one of the (many) unexpected aspects that this divorce lark opens your eyes to is male attention.  I’ve always been the quiet type – never really wanting to draw attention to myself or put myself in the position where I could be ridiculed…. But I guess for every opinion to tear you down make you feel not good enough (i.e. my marriage), there seems to be an equal and opposite reaction to of people that you never even considered that would only be too happy to have the opportunity to idolise you and appreciate your qualities.  Who knew?

I wouldn’t say I have had shit loads of male attention, but heck, it’s come from the strangest of places.  Old school friends that (despite your best efforts), actually DID notice you though your school life and liked what they saw.  Friend’s SONs!! Old work mates.  Some of these feelings have been festering like home brew for years, it would seem.  All from a stupid conversation 25 years ago, or a shy embarrassed smile from a first part-time job at 14!

It is very flattering and I must admit, does the ego no end of good, but heck!  How long have they felt like this?  Would they ever have mentioned it if I remained married?  How often do others think about me, my childhood, my life now?

How many people’s lives and thoughts do we actually touch over the course of our existence?   (Carry Bradshaw moment…. J ).

How many memories and lovely thoughts do we carry with us of people that we no longer have any contact with that would probably warm their heart if they were only to realise the impact (however seemingly insignificant) they have had on our lives?  I can still transport myself back to the Junior School playground in a heartbeat.  The popular kids, the nerds, people I would literally hold my breath as I walked past them so that I didn’t give them any cause to notice me.  I guess no matter how inconspicuous we attempt to be as we travel through life, we DO make an impact on people and it’s lovely to hear about it.

I’ve had such an experience just today; being told that I am the ‘one that got away’!  I haven’t seen this guy for over 20 years, but he still thinks of me and what might have been!?  How amazing is that really?  I guess Facebook has a lot to answer for and now it’s easier than ever to find and reconnect with old friends, when we go through a relationship breakup, it’s comforting to revisit happier, more carefree times in our lives and hey – it’s cheaper than a Match.com subscription J

This also ties in perfectly with the self-worth course that I am currently enrolled in.  Everyone has their own fears and insecurities that they have to deal with on a daily basis; we just assume that the popular girl from school who now has the high flying job actually does have her shit together and is infinitely more happy with her designer lifestyle than you could ever be in a million years.  Little do you know that she’d possibly swap all the trappings of her success (and the pressure to maintain it) in a heartbeat for a husband that truly loves her and a child.  Everyone has their own demons.  I think we need to acknowledge them; invite them over for dinner!  Get them drunk and make an inappropriate pass at them over dessert ( the demons that is…..not the friend – although whatever gets you through the Winter).

We are all treading water really – pretending we are swans with our shit together.  I don’t believe anyone really has – not if they’re 100% honest.

So take a few moments to think about who YOU consider to be the one that got away.  It might only have been a gaze held over a school desk, or something more meaningful, but send love out to them into the Universe and hope that they can feel it.  No matter how ‘hopeless’ we all feel from time to time, to someone out there, we could mean the world.

We just don’t know it.