For over 40 years I deliberated about a tattoo. I spent hours on Pinterest researching designs. I was probably voted by my Peers ‘Miss most
likely never to get a tattoo 1991’ which added to my bucket-list determination
to have one.
I didn’t want anything tacky (oh the irony!). I guess in the end, I kinda panicked a
little? Possibly? I haven’t really got regrets, I’m glad it’s
not bigger as it hurt like fuck. God
knows why it’s purple though as I really wanted it smaller and not coloured at
all, but in true ‘Ju’ fashion, I smiled and nodded when the tattoo artist got
her crayolas out.
But why can’t I own my own opinions?
I think I have a gene missing. I seem to lack conviction. Whenever I list something for sale on
Gumtree, I always want to list the microscopic things that are wrong with
it. If I share an opinion with people, I’m
almost ashamed of it. I can’t sell anything
as I literally can’t back myself and my own choices – let alone embellish the
truth. What the fuck is that all about?
Can you imagine me robbing someone? ‘It’s a stick up! Give me all your money. I mean….. if that’s OK? I know times are tough and we all have bills
to pay. I’m really sorry I chose
you. It’s only that you’re a bit chubby
and I thought I’d have more chance in outrunning you if you decided to take me
on. Yes, of course, I’ll accept a
cheque. Do you have a cheque guarantee
card to accompany that? I also run a
loyalty programme, five muggings and you get a free bumper sticker on the
sixth, just remember to have your card stamped.’
You get the picture.
Whatever the situation, I’m not very good at backing myself – that look
of raised eyebrows that people give me when I tell them of my goal, it just
makes me stop; back pedal even, and almost apologise for my dreams. So when people ask to see my tattoo and what
made me pick a purple elephant (see, you could almost hear the eyebrows raising
in that question, can’t you?), I generally laugh it off. Say I’ve got ‘Regerts’ like the advert on the
radio when the bloke gets his tattoo spelt incorrectly. Or take the piss out of myself by saying, ‘over
40 years it took me to pick a design and I chose THIS! Ha ha ha’ But really, yes, I DID choose this and there
actually was a reason I chose an elephant.
For one thing, elephants are cool!
They are the only mammal that can’t jump (I can relate – I tried
a STEP class once)
Their skin in an inch thick – no comment.
Elephants cry, play, have memories, show empathy and can
actually laugh; three more qualities than my ex-husband.
They can spend up to 16 hours a day eating and only 2-3
hours sleeping.
They grieve for their loved ones and can even show signs of
depression. They also carry out burial
rituals for members of their herd – how beautiful is that?
They are one of the most intelligent animals on Earth.
An elephant herd is considered one of the most closely knit
societies of any animal, and a female will only leave it if she dies or is
captured.
Baby elephants are initially blind and some take to sucking
their trunk for comfort in the same way that humans suck their thumbs.
Homosexual behaviour in elephants is common and
well-documented. Who knew? I shall for ever after now thing of Elton
John as an Elephant.
Amazing really, don’t
you think? Of all the animals in the
Kingdom, you could do a Hell of a lot worse than being an elephant! So, my first tattoo may well be of a purple
elephant with a love heart blown from her trunk, but in a lot of ways, it
symboliises my journey, my passion for my children, my empathy and the fact I
can no longer do star jumps.
#OWNIT
