Where should I start?
My name is Julia and I am a recovering door mat.
I am proud of the person that I am becoming, but the last 12
months have been the hardest of my life.
Leaving a partner of over 20 years is not a walk in the park, but I was
lost. I was lonely, abused and taken for
granted. The kids were growing older and
I have felt like a single parent for many years now. As much as I had tried to
make things work and put my own thoughts, feelings and needs to the back of my
conscience, something snapped one day and I’d had enough.
- Enough of feeling that I didn’t matter.
- Enough of feeling my contribution and thoughts were insignificant.
- Enough of walking on egg shells.
- Enough of constantly feeling like I was propping him up, but he was never there for me in the same way.
There comes a time when you have to do what you need to do
for your soul. For your own sanity and
self-worth and I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN BEING DISRESPECTED, PUT DOWN,
CONTROLLED AND MANIPULATED.
I am tired of making excuses for someone else’s behaviour,
of picking up the pieces of their destructive personality, of being a
mental/verbal punch bag.
I am tired.
This will be the only post I make about the break up*. The rest of the entries will be positive,
happy, uplifting posts about rediscovering who I am. Learning to love the strong, independent
woman I have only recently discovered I am and sharing my journey of discovery!
I have to say that at the ‘ripe old age’ of 42, I feel
happier and more free to be ‘me’ than I think I have my entire adult life. I feel happy, loved, respected and (dare I
say it!) even a little bit sexy!
This won’t be a blog of ‘wallowy bollocks’. I’ll try not to rant and moan, but deal with
problems with laughter and humour.
I hope you can share my journey with me. I hope there’ll be some moments that make you
laugh and some that also make you cry
*actually, I can’t promise that! Most of my blog is about me and my personal
journey. Of COURSE the break up is going
to be mentioned. I will just try really
hard not to refer to him as a wanker – deal?
