The drama that seems to unfold on a daily basis seems to
have wiped me out completely and I have done nothing this weekend by vegetate;
and I feel super guilty about it! I know
that it’s probably just my body’s way of telling me to rest, but why the eff do
I feel so bad about just reading a book, or having a nanna nap or writing for
my blog when the laundry mocks me from the corner of the room?
Let’s face it – there is ALWAYS something to do. There is ALWAYS laundry to be done, shit to
be dusted or something, somewhere demanding to be cleaned. Relaxation is actually an art form; some
individuals are just better at executing it than others. It’s like meditation – clearing your mind
completely and telling the ego to piss off for a while! I remember a friend used to have a duster in
each room of her house and if her husband came home early and she was having a
lay down, she would simply hop up, and grab the nearest duster when he walked
in and pretend she was cleaning. WTF is
this all about? Why do we feel the need
to justify our actions to others – least of all our significant other?!
I used to do it myself.
Had to justify how much/little I had achieved on a Saturday morning
whilst OH was down the gym or grocery shopping.
Had I only managed to iron ten of his shirts whilst he was at
church? Covered the night feeds of baby
number three whilst trying not to wake OH as ‘he works full time, you know and
can’t be too tired for work! Noticing a
pattern yet? My Mum often used to make
light of things when she could see me running about like a headless
chicken. ‘Have you got a hat for that,
Ju?’ she used to ask.
I would liken my days to a performer in the circus
(constantly spinning plates to keep them from crashing around my ears), or a
one-woman show theatre production, where one actress performed all the roles;
took money for tickets, seated everyone with a small torch – putting them at
their ease, making small talk, smiling and ensuring everyone was happy and
having a good time - made tea and produced baked goods for the interval,
returned for the second act (after ushering everyone back to their seats), put
enormous effort into her performance, received a standing ovation, cleaned the
theatre when the patrons left, drove home to have to prepare dinner, feed and
bathed three children, made sure OH had his clothes ready for his business
meeting the following day, remembered where child number one’s paper machier
school project was located and ready for presentation to Class in the morning,
prepare school lunches, clean the house, take a flask and pyrex bowl to bed to
warm babies milk up in the night so as not to wake husband; climb into bed –
exhausted.
This is what my days felt like and I guess I still carry
some of this with me – which is why I struggle so much with doing very little.
I am not the most house proud person in the world. Yes, my home is generally tidy, but I
wouldn’t take unecesary risks with the 3 second rule now that I have the Halls
Head two, neither would I guarantee that it was exactly a week ago that my
bedsheets were washed, or promised that I had bleached my toilet rim in the
previous 48 hours. Because, the place
where I live is exactly that – a HOME.
There is usually laughter to be heard, love to be given and received and
a cup of tea/glass of wine to be offered.
My home does not smell like disinfectant or a hospital.
Maybe I should give time that I spend on me a
house-work-worthy name; like vacuuming my hypothalamus, or dusting my synapses
– sounds way preferable to a nanna nap or reading a book for an hour, but in
reality, we all need a little down time.
Just to listen to music whilst daydreaming; writing virtual lists in our
head – you know, groceries needed, bills to be paid, countries to be visited, hunky
celebrities to be married, bail money to be posted…..
I will pledge to no longer feel guilty for dropping the kids
off at school and then returning to bed and climbing back in for a couple of
hours. I need to understand that this
period of my life is flipping tiring. There
are enough battles to be fought, let alone the ones carried out within my own
head!
Be kind to yourselves lovelies. Life is tough – take a nap <3